


The Art of Exaggeration

by letters_of_stars



Category: Free!
Genre: Christmas fic, Fluff fluff and more fluff, M/M, for the iwatobies gift exchange, gou puts up with so much ridiculousness, like absolute hand-to-forehead miscommunication mishaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letters_of_stars/pseuds/letters_of_stars
Summary: The actual worst tragedy in the history of ever probably: Nagisa told Rei he loves him, and Rei told him to do his homework.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for birbmeow for the Iwatobies Secret Santa event! Hope you like it; I tried to go for as fluffy as possible~

Realistically, Nagisa knows that this is in no way comparable to a full-scale disaster. The Richter Scale remained firmly at zero, no chance epidemic led to a zombie apocalypse that wiped out half of the human population within an hour, and, rather to his disappointment, there doesn’t seem to be any alien invasion threat looming on the horizon. So the earth is very much not in danger, nor are any large number of people at any risk, but that doesn’t stop this current situation from being a grade A, horrendous, tremendous  _ catastrophe _ never before seen by the likes of man. Okay, so he might be exaggerating just a little.

But only a little. 

Gou laughs at him when he tells her because apparently the end of the world is funny. “He really said that?” she giggles, wiping a tear from her eye, and Nagisa pouts before rolling onto his back on his bed, holding his phone high above him where he’s facetiming her. 

“He did,” he sulks. “He said ‘Nagisa, please stop wasting time’ and made me do the math problems I got wrong all over again. It was the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.” 

Now she at least looks a little bit sorry for him. “I’m sure he was just confused. Or not expecting it. You know Rei-kun.” 

Nagisa just juts his lip out more. Yes, he knows Rei. Maybe Rei just didn’t know what to say back. After all, it had sort of come out of nowhere. Nagisa hadn’t even really known he was going to say it until the words were already out of his mouth. He’d been lying there on the floor of Rei’s bedroom, watching the other boy frown and push at his glasses while he read his book and the warmth had just bubbled up in Nagisa’s stomach and spread everywhere and next thing he knew he was sitting up and leaning across the table. “Hey Rei-chan? Rei-chan?” And Rei had looked at him and Nagisa had finally— _ finally _ —been able to voice the truth that’s been bouncing around his head for months. “Rei-chan, I love you.” 

And Rei, the gall of it, had set his book on the table and pushed the book of math problems closer to Nagisa, covered in red marks after Rei’s inspection. “Nagisa, please stop wasting time. You know I won’t let you off like that. All the ones circled are incorrect.” And he’d gone back to reading his book, apparently completely unaware that he’d destroyed Nagisa’s life. 

“I’m going to die, Gou-chan,” he proclaims. “I’m going to die of a broken heart and if Rei-chan doesn’t cry at my funeral I’ll haunt him forever.” 

Gou hums and twists a strand of wet hair around her finger. She’d just gotten out of the bath when Nagisa called. “It wasn’t the right mood,” she decides after a moment. “You need the right sort of setting for a love confession.” 

Nagisa gives up on the pout and flops over onto his side. “What was wrong with my mood? I just felt extra in love with him, that’s all.” 

“Not your mood,  _ the  _ mood. Studying late at night right before exams? Not romantic. Nope.” Gou shakes her head. “Sunsets, beaches, stars, lying warm in each other’s arms with the aura of love surrounding you…” Her tone goes wistful, the same shine in her eyes as when she’s admiring a fine sets of biceps. “Romantic sea voyages, tearful reunions that reveal true feelings before that love is torn apart forever, battles to the death while the other waits hoping to see their beloved return…”

“Gou-chan,” Nagisa says patiently, “I just want to tell Rei-chan I love him. And then maybe kiss him once in awhile.”

She sighs and narrows her eyes. “See, that’s the problem already. You’re dreaming too small. How will you ever have an epic love?” 

“I don’t want an epic love! I want Rei-chan! You’re being no help!” Nagisa smothers his phone with a pillow, hoping Gou will get the message. 

“Fine! Fine!” He takes the pillow away. Gou looks decidedly put-out on the screen as she pulls her hair into its usual ponytail. “Obviously this was just the wrong time. He didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation.”

Nagisa bites at his lip and studies the pattern on his sheets, tracing it with a spare finger. “Or what if...what if Rei-chan didn’t want me to say it, so he pretended not to hear?” 

“That’s ridiculous,” Gou tells him shortly. “You just need to set the mood. And I’m going to help you.” 

“How?” Nagisa grabs his phone and sits up on his bed. “You’ve never loved anyone. Or vice versa.” 

She opens her mouth with indignation, pauses, and then closes it as she crosses her arms. “Well, at least I didn’t get my love confession deflected with math.” 

“Ohhh Gou-chan!” Nagisa flops backwards once more and covers his eyes with his hands as his phone lands face down next to him. “Did you have to say it that way?” 

“Well, it’s what happened.” He watches her crawl into bed and reach to turn off her light, her phone the only thing illuminating her face as she snuggles under the covers. “I told you, didn’t I? I told you that you should have told him right away.” 

Nagisa makes a face. Yes, she’d told him. The very first night he’d called her up because ‘is it love when you could spend forever just watching them smile and you feel like you’re going to float away through the ceiling and your heart is just happy like all the time???’ she’d told him. But the very thought of trying to voice the feelings that he’d only just grasped for himself to Rei outloud had been terrifying. Maybe it wasn’t love. Maybe it was simply the continued elation of Nationals. Or the knowledge it was his last time swimming with Haru and Makoto and an unconscious seeking for something to fill that gap. Maybe it was the seafood he ate. Maybe it was anything besides love and he definitely didn’t want to trouble Rei with feelings that might just be indigestion.

Except the feelings hadn’t gone away and, as summer passed into fall, only managed to get  _ worse _ . All the way up to tonight when he just couldn’t hold them in any longer, leading to the aforementioned complete catastrophe that is his life right now, mark the date, 11:08 pm on November 29th, 2014. 

“Gou-chan, I’m gonna die!” he wails, and jumps when the sister in the room over bangs on the wall between them. 

“Nagisa, go to sleep!” she orders, and yeah, that’s a tone of voice he definitely wants to listen to. “I have work tomorrow and you’re keeping me up!”

“I’m asleep, I’m asleep!” He shuts off his light and crawls beneath the covers, completely hidden. “I should go,” he whispers to Gou. 

She nods. “Okay, but I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll talk strategy. I’ve got books!” She grins, looking only slightly demonic, and before he can ask her just what he’s getting into, she ends the call. 

Nagisa sighs deeply as he sets his phone on his dresser, alarm set for the morning. Tomorrow. Yeah. When he’ll see Rei again. Maybe he can wheedle out of the private tutelage at least. He’s not sure he could stand it in that room with Rei right there, and Rei didn’t...Rei didn’t…

He’s not sure what Rei didn’t do, exactly. Understand, hear him right, appreciate the mood? Nagisa still thinks maybe Rei ignored him altogether because he didn’t want to hear those words, not from Nagisa. Yeah, if he was Rei, maybe that’s what Nagisa would do. Act like he completely misunderstood so he doesn’t have to deal with some silly teammate who’s in a tragic unrequited love with him. 

Nagisa sniffs and is disgusted by himself. He won’t cry over this. He won’t. Maybe there’s still hope. Maybe Gou can teach him how to do this confession thing properly and he’ll get another chance. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Tomorrow he just has to slap on his smile and not let anyone know that anything is wrong. He can do that. He can manage. They don’t have to know about the catastrophe that ended the world. 

That Nagisa told Rei he loved him and he didn’t say it back. 

 

* * *

 

Food. That was one thing Nagisa takes out of Gou’s coaching, working around all the squealing and rambling so fast he can’t understand as she flips through her magazines and books like a fanatic. Love is apparently very very very complicated and full of possible romantic tragedies that are somehow romantic even though people die. He makes the mistake of bringing up a romance manga at some point and gets told, in the vocal equivalent of a bulleted list, exactly how when where what why he was wrong to bring it up at all and why  _ this  _ show and  _ this  _ manga are much better examples and he had better read the entire series just to understand it properly. So basically, the lessons on love are almost as a big a disaster as his confession to Rei was. But the one thing that Gou is emphatic about that Nagisa understands is food. Gou talks about indirect kisses and the utter dreaminess of dinner by firelight, but what Nagisa gets out of it is that everyone needs food, and aren’t people happy when they eat good food? So happy they might be okay-ish this time when Nagisa tries for confession number two? He’s not sure about the whole ‘ambiance’ thing Gou keeps rambling about, but food = happy = love makes sense to him.

He waits until after exams, because apparently exams aren’t a good mood for confessions. He’s really rather frustrated with the whole thing because he’d been holding back those words for months, waiting until he really felt it was the right time to say them, and then he was foiled by the existence of exams. But at least once they’re all done they’ve got all of winter break to aggressively not care about school.  _ And  _ he even talks Rei into skipping swim team strength conditioning because the pool won’t even be open again for another four months. Now Nagisa has Rei all to himself for the whole afternoon, walking downtown together while snow comes drifting down on top of them. It’s perfect, Nagisa decides, and drags Rei after him into a coffee shop. It’s bustling of course, full of kids Nagisa knows, but he can’t stop feeling all fluttery in his stomach every time he looks Rei’s way. Rei has a scarf on today, and his cheeks are pink from the cold and he looks so handsome with snow dusting his hair that Nagisa’s chest feels like it’s going to  _ burst _ , just like that alien movie except less screaming. 

“The hot chocolate is really really good here!” he tell Rei, up on his tiptoes so he can speak directly into Rei’s ear. Rei smiles a little and nods, and waits patiently for them to move up to the counter. Much more patiently than Nagisa, who bounces from foot to foot and whispers some tongue twisters to himself to make sure he won’t fumble over the words. Eventually, they reach the front of the line. Nagisa blinks at the barista sending him a smile and realizes maybe he should have practiced ordering. He rummages in his pockets for some cash. “Um...one hot ch—”

An arm reaches right over him to hand the barista a bill. “Two hot chocolates please. One plain, one with whipped cream, sauce, and sprinkles.” Rei collects his change and glances down at Nagisa. “My treat,” he says. 

Oh, his poor heart. He wants to say those words again, needs to, needs Rei to know how he feels, how he could simply blast off into space and disappear among the stars. But no, it’s too noisy in here. He’d just be wasting his chance again. So Nagisa waits. He waits for their drinks to be ready, he waits until they’ve exited the cafe, and he waits until they’re back to walking down the streets, hands wrapped around their cups. Nagisa tastes his hot chocolate and laughs a little at the taste of cream, and then looks over to where Rei is pushing his steamed-up glasses into his hair so he can take a drink. “Hey, Rei-chan?” Nagisa asks, and Rei stares over at him expectedly. Nagisa takes a deep breath and smiles. “I love you.” 

Rei blinks at him, and then lowers his glasses so Nagisa looks more like a Nagisa and not a potato. Nagisa waits for it. The blush he knows will color Rei’s face, the stammering, the false nonchalance, all those little details he loves Rei all the more for. He smiles his best, brightest smile, hoping it will coax the best and brightest response out of Rei. This time he did it right. 

“It was just hot chocolate,” Rei says, and clears his throat. “No big deal.” He starts walking down the sidewalk again, but turns back. Nagisa, who’s deflated like a popped balloon, perks up. “You have whipped cream on your lip,” Rei informs him. Nagisa touches his lip and wipes the whipped cream away, and then stares after Rei. His heart doesn’t feel like bursting. His stomach doesn’t feel fluttery. Now he just feels all scooped out. He’d done it again, and Rei told him he had a whipped cream mustache. 

“Are you feeling alright? Did you drink too fast?” Rei asks him later, while they’re waiting for the train. Nagisa shakes his head. No, he didn’t drink too fast. He’d been tempted not to drink the hot chocolate at all, but changed his mind, seeing as it was a treat from Rei and is really, really delicious. “Are you cold?” Rei asks, leaning over to try to catch Nagisa’s eye. Nagisa nods, if just to stop Rei from fretting over him. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and hopes the train gets here soon. He wants to crawl into bed and never come out ever again. 

Soft fabric loops around his neck, right where his coat collar leaves him exposed to the cold. Nagisa’s eyes fly wide open with shock, but Rei doesn’t seem to notice as he circles Nagisa’s neck once more with the scarf and bends his knees so he can perfect some sort of knot at the front, tying the ends to keep them from dangling. The scarf is still warm from where it was wrapped around Rei’s own neck, which makes his fingers feel all the more chill when he brushes Nagisa’s skin. “Now you’ll be cold, Rei-chan,” Nagisa manages to stutter out when Rei straightens up and studies his handiwork. 

“I’ll be alright,” he says with a little smile, and they go back to waiting for the train in silence. 

Nagisa slowly inches his hand up until he can rub at the scarf. Rei had rejected his confession, but doesn’t seem angry. The very opposite. He’s being his usual self, and would probably let Nagisa nap on his shoulder on the way home. How can he listen to Nagisa trying to bare his soul, blow him off, and then casually be lending him his scarf? He’d definitely heard him, so it wasn’t that. Was it the mood again? Is it because they bought drinks instead of food? Did he screw it all up? His perfect chance? His hand clenches around the scarf as the train pulls in. That  _ must _ be it. He can try again. He  _ will _ try again. He’ll create the best romantic mood the world has ever seen. Why, he’ll just—!

Rei chooses that moment to grab hold of Nagisa’s sleeve and drag him onto the train. It’s jam-packed, and Nagisa spends the ride pressed uncomfortably close to Rei’s chest. It’s no use trying to talk with all these people around them, and Nagisa isn’t sure what he’d even try to talk about. He gets out at Rei’s stop on automatic instead of continuing on, so used to joining him after school for studying. “You don’t have to walk me home,” Rei tells him when they’re already halfway there. 

But Nagisa always walks him home. Nagisa stops, ankle deep in snow. Does Rei not want him there?

Oh God, what if he just made Rei really uncomfortable? Maybe Rei is trying to be polite when he actually just wants to be out of Nagisa’s presence as soon as possible. “I’m sorry!” he blurts out, and turns on his heel to march off back down the street. 

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei calls after him, and Nagisa stops when he remembers the scarf. He spins back around and scrambles towards Rei as he untangles the scarf from around his neck. He throws it back in Rei’s direction. 

“Goodbye Rei-chan!” And back down the street he goes. If Rei calls after him again, he doesn’t hear. 

 

* * *

 

Six days. Six days of winter break and he doesn’t see Rei. He can’t bear to. Just remembering how he’s been rejected  _ twice _ makes him feel sick to his stomach. He’s up all night sometimes, thinking about what he did wrong. And then he remembers. 

Nagisa has all these wonderful bubbly feelings inside of him and it never really bothered him that they were about a boy. To him, Rei being a boy takes backseat to Rei simply being Rei, but that doesn’t mean Rei feels the same way. Maybe Rei  _ can’t _ love him back, because he’s simply not the same. Maybe he was pretending not to understand because he didn’t want to hurt Nagisa’s feelings. Maybe this is the beginning of their slow slide away from each other, as Rei decides it would be better to not have a best friend who’s in awkward, unrequited, gay love with him and Nagisa has to accept that all these wonderful bubbly beautiful feelings inside of him will never be returned, or at least not by the person he wants most to return them. 

He spends his time playing video games and hanging out with his sisters. They’re suspicious of course, since he and Rei are normally attached at the hip, but put up with him nevertheless. He goes with Chiasa to see a movie and they sit in the emptying theater afterwards, finishing the popcorn. “Did something happen between you and Rei-kun?” she asks. Nagisa pulls his sweater up to cover his face. “ _ What _ happened between you and Rei-kun?” she amends. 

Nagisa mutters his answer into his sweater. She leans closer. “I love Rei-chan,” Nagisa whispers. “In a...in a love way.”

“Oh.” She sits back in her seat and studies the dark movie screen. They’re in the way of the employees trying to sweep up and will have to leave sooner or later. “Okay,” she says at last, and pulls him from his chair. They walk hand in hand out of the theater and right to the restaurant down the street. “Eat your feelings. I’ll pay.” 

“Is that why you’re avoiding him? Because you’re scared by loving him?” Chiasa asks when she has her milkshake and Nagisa has a plateful of waffles. He shakes his head and swallows. 

“No, loving him feels…” He gestures towards his chest, hoping she’ll get it. She’s dated people, right? She should get it. “All warm and good and I like it!”

“Then why are you avoiding him?” 

Nagisa stabs at his waffles with his fork. “Because...because I tried to tell him.”

“Oh.” Her face lengthens in shock. “He took it badly?”

Nagisa stuffs some more waffle into his mouth and chews with fury. “He didn’t take it all!” he sputters around his food. “He told me to do my math! And that I had whipped cream on my face!”

She stares at him with eyebrows raised and Nagisa sighs before swallowing again and launching into a more in depth explanation. 

“It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life,” he finishes, and hunches back in his seat with arms crossed. 

“Mm, yeah, that’s pretty brutal,” Chiasa agrees, and Nagisa is so suddenly grateful for the existence of sisters. 

“So what should I do?” 

She rests her chin in her hand and plays with the straw of her milkshake. “Well, you won’t like it, but you need to talk things out with him. Like...actually sit down and have a conversation. Don’t make that face! I told you you wouldn’t like it!” He schools his expression back into something less gargoyle-ish and her eyes go a little softer. “He’s your best friend, and even if he doesn’t like you back in that way, I don’t think he’d want to lose you over it. So talk to him.”

He grunts half-heartedly and sets his cutlery down. “I’ll think about it.”

That night, he thinks about it. He thinks no. No way he’d even survive that conversation. If Rei doesn’t like him back in that way, then Nagisa just needs to beat his feelings over the head until they’re dead and gone and then bury them in the backyard in the dead of night so he never ever has to think about them ever again. That’s a plan, isn’t it?

The plan works for about another twelve hours until his phone starts ringing. 

“Gou-chan?” he answers. 

“Why!” she starts, sounding completely outraged, “Did! Rei-kun! Just! Come to! My house! And ask if you! And me! Are dating?”

Nagisa lets out a nervous laugh. “Ahh...well...you see, I’ve been telling Rei-chan that I’ve been...spending time with you...whenever he wants to see if I’m free to go do something…” 

“Nagisa-kun!” 

“What? I’m sorry, I couldn’t think of anything better!”

“You could have at least told me I was part of your cover story!”

He laughs again and rubs the back of his head. He’s so glad this conversation isn’t happening face to face. “So...Rei-chan...came to your house?”

She takes a couple of deep breaths that he can hear over the phone, and when she speaks next, it’s with a much calmer voice. “Yeah. He left five minutes ago. First he was asking if you were here, and then after I got him inside he took forever to get to the point but wanted to know if we were dating, since you seem to be spending all your time with me these days.”

“Oh.” Nagisa flops back on his bed and considers this. 

“He seemed kind of upset,” Gou continues after a moment. “For Rei-kun, you know? Sort of down.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. But anyway I told him to come find you himself so he’s probably heading there right now.” 

“Gou-chan!”

“Well, what else was I supposed to say? Lie and say we’re dating? I told him I didn’t know why you were lying and he should come talk to you!” 

Nagisa leaps off the bed and grabs his coat and hat off the floor. “You should have warned me right away!” He tosses his phone onto the bed to pull his stuff on. Coat, hat, mittens from on top of his dresser...there. Now he just needs his boots. He picks his phone up and utters a quick, “Bye Gou-chan!” before ending the call and stuffing the phone in his pocket. He dashes out of his room into the hallway, socks skidding on the floor, and makes it to the front door, where his boots are drying by the heating vent. One, two, and they’re on. He’s just straightening up when there’s a knock at the door. Rei-chan. 

“Tell him I’m out shopping!” he yells to anyone who might hear him as he tears through the house towards the back door. Heading out back means clambering up onto the big tree in the yard and leaping the fence, but that’s okay. As long as he doesn’t have to meet Rei at the front door. 

He makes his escape through the backyards of their neighbors and goes to hide in the convenience store for the next half hour, reading the latest manga publications and always keeping an eye on the door in case anyone he knows shows up. He takes the time to calm down and realize how stupid he’d been. If Rei had only left Gou’s home five minutes after she called, no way was he the person at the door. He texts Chiasa to ask if anyone had stopped by the house. Apparently it was one of Mizuki’s friends, who’d been pretty startled by the sudden screaming that had started when she knocked on the door. Nagisa calms down a little until the text five minutes later saying that Rei has shown up. Nagisa’s instinctively goes to answer that they should tell Rei he’s with Gou, but wait, damn, that won’t work anymore. 

_ Tell him I’m out of town. _

He gets a call three seconds later. “Are you an idiot?” Chiasa asks in a whisper. “The boy’s sitting here having tea, looking absolutely frozen from chasing you all over the place, and you want me to tell him you’ve left the city? What happened to talking about it?” 

“I can’t talk to him about that. I’ll die,” Nagisa tells her firmly. 

“And I can’t tell him you’ve left the city. Come home. I’m telling him you’re coming home.”

“Wait, don’t—!” But she’s already hung up. Nagisa groans and thumps his head back against the wall. Guess he has no choice. 

He trudges back through the snow as slow as possible. The streetlights turn on above his head as he goes, and he knows he should try to hurry it up so Rei isn’t heading home in the dark. He picks up the pace a little and lets himself in through the front door, thumping snow off his boots as he goes. He takes off his coat and hat and abandons them on the floor. “Rei-chan?” 

Chiasa pokes her head into the hall from the kitchen. “In here,” she tells him. Nagisa narrows his eyes at her and she shrugs. He takes a steadying breath and turns the corner. Rei’s sitting at the kitchen table, looking up from his empty cup with a hopeful expression. 

“Nagisa-kun!” he exclaims when he sees Nagisa, eyes lighting up and  _ it’s so unfair _ . 

“Hey Rei-chan,” Nagisa mutters, and sits across from him. He feels Chiasa squeeze his shoulder once and then hears her footsteps out into the hallway. Probably thinking she’s giving them privacy but it feels more like complete abandonment. Nagisa clears his throat and studies his hands in his lap. “Do you need something from me?” 

Rei sighs, and Nagisa thinks he’s in for a lecture, but instead Rei just leans forward across the table. “Did I do something wrong, Nagisa-kun?”

“What? No!” 

But Rei doesn’t seem persuaded. He frowns and lifts one hand to fiddle with his glasses. “Really? Because it feels like you’ve been avoiding me. Is it something I did? Said?” 

More like what he didn’t say. But Nagisa shuts his eyes in resignation and says, very calmly, “Rei-chan, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Because he hasn’t. It’s not Rei’s fault for not loving him back. It’s not Rei’s fault for Nagisa loving him in the first place. “I’m just...dealing with some stuff.” 

“Ah.” Rei clears his throat and looks away towards the window. It’s really getting dark. Nagisa will make sure to walk Rei to the station. “Is it...no…” He clears his throat again. “Problems between you and Gou-san?” 

Nagisa blinks at him, and then remembers what Gou had told him. He muffles a snort in his sleeve. “Rei-chan…” Rei turns back to him with a concerned expression. Nagisa lowers his arm so Rei will most definitely understand him completely and wholly this time. “There is nothing going on between Gou-chan and me. Nothing, nothing, nothing.” 

Rei studies him with a slight frown. “Really?” he asks after a moment, and Nagisa nods. 

“Really.” He drums his fingers on the table and watches the way the creases in Rei’s brow slowly melt away. “Would that be...a bad thing if we were?” 

“No!” Rei practically shouts. He winces, and lowers his voice. “No, I would be...very...happy…” He doesn’t look like he’d be very happy. He looks like he wants to sink through the floor. 

That’s when it hits him. Oh. Of course. 

Rei’s in love with Gou-chan. That explains everything. His behavior now, why he pretended not to understand Nagisa’s confessions. He doesn’t love Nagisa back and he never will, but of course Rei wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s considerate that way. 

Nagisa wants to  _ die. _

“You and Gou-chan would be very cute together,” he manages to squeak out, and Rei goes completely pink. 

“I-I-I don’t think that…”

“No, you would, you really would!” Nagisa laughs, way too loud and way too boisterous. “Wow, Rei-chan, it’s getting late! I’ll walk you to the train station, okay? Okay!” He bustles Rei out of the kitchen and into the hall, back into his coat and right out the door. He chatters mindlessly while they walk down to the station, about the movie he saw, the games he’s been playing, the manga he’d been reading in the convenience store. Nothing Rei can really respond to. Which is probably a good thing because Rei looks absolutely miserable, no matter how happy Nagisa pretends he is. Finally, he has to stop and sigh, breath blooming out white. “Rei-chan, it’s fine.”

“What’s fine?” Rei asks, voice edging on harsh. He’s clutching one arm across his chest and refuses to look at Nagisa, studying the cloudy sky instead. 

“You and Gou-chan,” Nagisa explains patiently. “If you tell her how you feel and you two start dating, it’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I won’t feel left out or anything.” Ha ha. What a lie. “If you like her, you should definitely tell her.” 

Rei drops his gaze from the clouds back to Nagisa’s face. His brow furrows. “You think that’s best? Telling someone when you like them?”

Nagisa forces a smile and nods. For Rei? Definitely. Rei could confess to anybody in the world probably, because who in the world wouldn’t be in love with Rei? It’s the easiest, most natural thing ever, to be in love with Rei. And Maybe Gou has never said anything about liking Rei, but if he likes her? Why wouldn’t she someday return those feelings? If Nagisa can only smile and stay loyally by their sides without screaming in agony, he’ll be good. “You should tell them,” he says, and starts off again towards the station. 

Rei doesn’t say much for the rest of the walk. In fact, the only time he says something is right before the train arrives. “Would you like to go somewhere on Wednesday?”

So far, Nagisa’s Wednesday plans consist of feeling sorry for himself and suffering. “Where?”

“I’m not sure yet.” Rei pushes his glasses up and pushes his chest out. “But I’m sure I will find the perfect location!” 

“Okay…” Nagisa agrees hesitantly. “And what are we doing, exactly? That’s Christmas Eve, isn’t it?”

“I will figure that out as well!” Rei says with the same fake bravado. He’s so cute when he’s pretending to know things. Nagisa has to wipe the adoring smile from his face before Rei sees it. Luckily the train arrives in that moment, and Rei becomes preoccupied with boarding. 

Nagisa waves to him as the door begins to close. “Text me!” 

Rei waves back through the window as the train begins to chug off, and then he’s gone. Nagisa lets his arm drop and staggers over to a pillar, slipping down onto the ground.

Rei loves Gou. He’s going to tell her. Nagisa told him to tell her. And...either that will work out or it won’t, but no matter who Rei tells in the end that he loves them, it will never be Nagisa, so no matter what in the end he’s going to be stupidly in love with Rei with his heart crumpled up and tossed in the trash. It will never be him and Nagisa was being naive to think that just because he could tell Rei he loved him that it would mean a happily ever after. That’s just not in the works.  

It’s not too late that there isn’t anyone here at the station at all, but no one he knows, and Rei isn’t here still, which is the important thing. So Nagisa feels okay about it when he buries his face in his knees and begins to cry.

 

* * *

 

Gou calls the next morning. “I can’t believe how much drama you two keep pulling me into,” she complains. 

Nagisa rolls over in bed and bundles himself a little tighter in his blankets. He has yet to leave his room. “Did Rei-chan go talk to you?” 

Her voice switches into a happy tone. “Yes, he did. He just left.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t thought he could feel any emptier, but there you go. He’s just a husk of a human being, hollowed out by the terrible heartache that is a first love. “And he...confessed?”

“Yeah. He did!” She sounds positively giddy. “It’s the best thing ever, right? Right? I wasn’t expecting it at all, and I really told him he should tell you first, I mean...given everything that’s going on, but I guess he just...I don’t know...telling me first was easier I guess, but this is so great!” 

“Ha ha...yeah…” Nagisa hides under the covers, willing the blankets to just swallow him up whole. Really, Gou could be a  _ little  _ more considerate, but he can’t blame her for being happy. 

“I know he wanted to tell you himself,” Gou has gone on, “But I just thought you’d want to know, you know, to avoid the shock? I’m really so happy, so so happy…”

Oh. So Rei wants to take him out on Christmas Eve to tell him that he’s in love with someone else. Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas. “Gou-chan, I don’t feel well,” he interrupts her ramblings. “Can we talk later?”

“Oh,” she says, sounding a little shocked. “Did I...I didn’t tell him how you feel! I wouldn’t tell him that, but I wanted to...you know...let you know…”

Nagisa hums. “Thanks.”

She clicks her tongue a few times and then asks, “Are you nervous?” 

He’s crushed. “Nervous. Yeah. I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Okay?” She sounds completely confused. “Bye, then, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Nagisa agrees, and is about to end the call when she adds, “Why aren’t you happy about this?”

Because he’s a terrible friend who can’t be happy because he’s just jealous and heartbroken and alone. 

“I’m sorry, Gou-chan,” he mutters, and hangs up. He turns his phone on silent. He can’t handle any more phone calls today. 

He gets a text from Rei asking Nagisa to meet him at the station at five the next day. He drifts through life like a ghost until then, eating when he’s supposed to eat and otherwise either lying in bed or taking his grief out on video game antagonists. Gou tries calling him three more times, but he ignores her. Wednesday around three he gets ready. He showers and steals some of his sister’s nice body wash, and brushes his hair out nice. Well damn, if he’s about to get massively rejected he at least wants to look nice. Well-fitting jeans, a button-up shirt, matching scarf and hat and mittens. Kneesocks pulled up high over his pants. His best jacket. He only has the one pair of sort of old and ratty boots, but Rei is tall right? He probably won’t look all the way down to Nagisa’s feet. 

The crowds are intense. People doing last minute shopping? Probably. Nagisa makes his way to the station and lo and behold, there’s Rei. Looking handsome as always, cheeks pink with the cold. “You ready?” he asks.

“For what?” 

“You’ll see.” 

Nagisa frowns, but follows Rei onto the train anyway. It’s not like Rei to be this vague. They’re squished up close together again, and Nagisa tries not the lean into Rei’s warmth, no matter how nice it would feel. They get off at the downtown station and Rei heads up an inclined road, going so fast Nagisa has to scramble to keep up. “It was hard finding a place that wasn’t full but…” Rei gestures towards a small little shop. Nagisa trudges through the snow towards it and realizes it isn’t a shop but a restaurant. 

“Rei-chan, what…?”

Rei is blushing hard when Nagisa stares up at him. “I thought maybe a nice dinner on Christmas Eve,” he explains. 

Nagisa manages to keep his jaw from dropping, but only just. A dinner on Christmas Eve, just the two of them? “You sure you want it to be me?” he squeaks. “What about Gou-chan?” 

Rei takes a deep breath, and his face goes even pinker. “I just...it just...can we go eat?” 

Nagisa nods and follows Rei into the restaurant. There’s a little table for two reserved in the corner, lit by candles with soft music playing in the background. It’s packed, but the noise provides its own sort of intimacy. Nagisa squirms in his seat and reads the menu front to back twice, checks out the drinks, then the dessert menu, then the flyer on the table for a local jewelry store…

“Are you alright?” Rei asks, leaning forward across the table. 

Nagisa nods. Rei opens his mouth to say more but is interrupted by the waitress arriving with their drinks. “Are you ready to order?”

He manages to pass another five minutes by asking the waitress for details about absolutely everything on the menu. “And the tomato soup, that has what in it exactly?” Rei is looking at him like he’s a complete lunatic by the time the waitress can finally escape, and Nagisa buries his nose back in the dessert menu. 

“Nagisa-kun…” Rei attempts after a few minutes, and reaches across the table to pluck the menu from Nagisa’s hands. “There’s something wrong. Please tell me the truth.”

Nagisa sighs and his hands find the cutlery, unwrapping the cloth napkin and folding it into all sorts of shapes. “It’s nothing, Rei-chan.”

“It’s not nothing,” Rei says firmly. “Please tell me. If you won’t talk to me, I can’t make it better.”

Nagisa feels sick to his stomach. “I…” He glances over to Rei’s concerned face and then out the window. Snow is beginning to fall again. Perfect for Christmas. “Gou-chan told me,” he admits at last. “She told me what you told her.” 

“Oh.” Rei goes completely red and coughs a few times into his elbow. “And that’s why you’re...sad?”

Well, there’s no point in trying to put on a happy face anymore. “Yeah, I guess.” He sighs again and tries to perk up. “But nothing has to change between us, right? We can go on being friends, just like always!” 

“Friends,” Rei repeats, and coughs again. He’s suddenly the one looking unbearably sad, which is why it’s a good thing that’s when their meals arrive. 

They eat silently. Nagisa feels absolutely horrible about it. Here Rei took him out to some fancy place for dinner, and Nagisa had to ruin it because he’s sad and jealous and so, so, so in love. At least the food is good. 

They skip dessert and Rei insists on paying. It was his idea, after all, he explains, and then the two of them walk back out under the snow. Nagisa scuffs his way all the way down the hill to the main street, and Rei seems endlessly fascinated by the buttons on his jacket. 

“Well…” Nagisa finally asks, “Was that...the whole plan? Should we go to the train station now?” 

Rei shrugs one shoulder and bites at his lip. “Well, I…” He turns pink again. “It wasn’t the full plan but...but if you don’t feel the same then...then there’s nothing much I can do. I’m grateful that you still want to be friends, because your friendship has...has meant…” He stops, and reaches up to pull off his glasses which is when Nagisa realizes that Rei is  _ crying _ . 

“Rei-chan!” he gasps, and reaches for Rei’s hand, pulling him out of the main throng of people and into the space between two shops. 

Rei rubs at his eyes, desperately trying to clear them. “I’m...I’m sorry...I…”

Nagisa glances all around them, and his gaze catches on the park across the street. That should be emptier. “Come on.” He wraps his hand in Rei’s and pulls him along behind him, dashing through the people and between cars as they wait at the stoplight. Someone beeps at them but he doesn’t care. If he can just get Rei somewhere quieter, safer, somewhere where only Nagisa can see him cry. 

Nobody has bothered to clear the sidewalks in the park so they plough through the snow until they reach an unoccupied bench, right beneath a streetlight. Nagisa uses both hands to clear the snow from the bench in one sweep, and then gestures for Rei to sit down. “I’m sorry,” Rei whispers, holding a hand over his eyes as he sits. “I knew that there was a slim chance but I got my hopes up…”

His mittens are all clumped up with snow now. Nagisa takes them off with his teeth and stuffs them in his pockets. “Rei-chan, what are you talking about? Get your hopes up about what?” 

Rei lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Oh...just...the way Gou-san talked I thought you might feel different, but if she already told you...and here I thought I would make it a proper event, with dinner and everything. But you don’t feel the same, and that’s alright, as you said, we can be friends, and I just hope I haven’t made things too awkward…”

Nagisa blinks. Rei sneaks a glance over at him and Nagisa tilts his head to one side. “I don’t follow.” 

Another laugh, and then a sniff. Rei gets his glasses back on but they’re all blurry from melted snow. “It’s fine, Nagisa-kun. I know...I knew...I know...that your feelings for me are very platonic. I’ll admit you rather shocked me the first time you said...you said it, but I also know you and you say similar things to Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai quite often…”

Nagisa scoots closer on the bench. “Wait, what? My feelings?” His stomach rolls. “My feelings...are platonic? Where…?” His mind flashes back to his last conversation with Gou. “Wait, didn’t you tell Gou-chan that you like her?”

“What?” Rei’s eyes fly wide open with shock. “No, I didn’t tell her that. I told her...I told her…” He opens and shuts his mouth uselessly a few times and then looks away. “Wait, so Gou-san told you...that I told her...that I like her?” 

“Um…” That  _ was _ how the conversation had gone, wasn’t it? Screw it, he needs help here. He reaches for his phone in his pocket and stands. “Rei-chan, just...stay. Stay.” He makes the motion with his hands, hoping Rei will obey, and then runs off to a nearby tree to call Gou. 

“You!” she answers, sounding livid. “How many times did you ignore my calls? I’m never going to…”

“Gou-chan!” he interrupts. “I need help. Rei-chan is crying and I’m so confused and didn’t he tell you that he liked you? Didn’t he? You said he confessed!” 

There’s silence on the other end. “Gou-chan!” Nagisa calls again in desperation. 

“Listen to me,” Gou says, in a tone that suggests if he doesn’t listen he might be missing a few fingers come morning. “Rei-kun doesn’t like me. That’s not what he confessed. Not at all. This is why you answer your phone when I try to call you seventy billion times. Now you go and you ask him what he actually said to me. Right now.”

“But!”

“Now!” And she ends the call. Nagisa turns back towards Rei and slips his phone into his pocket. Rei has started to get the tears back under control, using his sleeve to wipe at his nose. 

“Rei-chan.” Nagisa struggles through the snow to reach him, until the tips of his boots touch Rei’s. “Rei-chan, what did you tell Gou-chan?” 

Rei sniffs and wipes at his nose again. “Well, it doesn’t matter now, and I really wanted it to be better than this, and now I’m just a mess and…” 

Nagisa sucks in a deep breath and reaches out with his bare hands, grabbing hold of Rei’s face and tilting it up so they’re eye to teary eye. “Rei-chan,” he repeats slowly, “What did you tell Gou-chan?”

Rei stares up at him for a moment and then, devastatingly, his lip begins to wobble. “I…” He bites down on his lip and casts his eyes away somewhere in the park. “I told her that I...have feelings for you. Um...rather...romantic feelings…” 

Nagisa gapes at him. Rei pulls his face from Nagisa’s grasp. “And I see that those feelings aren’t reciprocated, so…”

“Aren’t reciprocated?” Nagisa’s voice almost comes out a screech. “ _ Aren’t reciprocated _ ?”

Rei frowns up at him. “Well, they’re not. You said so yourself, that we would just go on being friends…”

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, just barely managing to keep his voice from shaking, “I’ve told you  _ two times now _ that I love you, and you didn’t say anything!” 

It’s Rei’s turn to gape. “But...but…”

“You didn’t think I was being serious?” Nagisa has to turn away and plaster his hands over his eyes. “Rei-chan...I told you I love you!”

“I didn’t think you were being serious!” Rei argues back. “You tell people you love them all the time!”

“Yeah, but it’s different for you!” 

“Well, how was I supposed to know?”

Nagisa spins back around, hands waving fanatically in the air. “I don’t know! You just were! I don’t love anyone else the way I love you!” 

Rei goes pale. “Wait, so...that time…”

“Time _ s _ ,” Nagisa corrects him. “Once while we were studying, and then when you bought me that hot chocolate, I told you, and you didn’t say it back because you didn’t think I was being serious?”

Rei crosses his arms, boot tapping angrily. “Well, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’ve been trying to come up with the courage to tell you for months! You aren’t supposed to tell someone you love for the first time when you’re studying for exams!” 

“Why not? I just felt extra, extra in love with you suddenly and I said it!” 

They glare at each other for a few seconds, heaving out breaths that cloud white between them. The snow drifts down all around them, and the noise of the main street, with all its last-minute shoppers and traffic jams, is barely audible out here, surrounded by the trees. It’s a still and silent moment. And then Rei blinks and whispers, “Wait...you love me?” 

Nagisa nods and adds in just as an astonished voice, “And you...me?” 

Rei nods. They continue staring at each other until Nagisa groans and buries his face in his hands. “That was the worst confession ever!” 

Rei is similarly distraught. “We...we...we can do it over!” He stands up from the bench with determination. “Forget the last ten minutes!” He grabs hold of Nagisa’s shoulders, fumbles a bit, goes red in the cheeks again, and finally fits one hand to Nagisa’s cheek. Nagisa can feel his hands shaking even through the gloves. Rei shuffles closer, clears his throat, and then ducks down so he can look at Nagisa properly in the eyes. “Nagisa-kun...I…” He seems to get stuck, the next words refusing to come out. 

“I love you Rei-chan!” Nagisa explodes, and rushes forward to hug Rei hard, burying his face in Rei’s scarf and squeezing him as tight as he can. “I love you in a romantical way, in a way that makes me feel like I could just stare at your smile forever and I feel so light I could float away like a balloon and my heart is happy all the time, even when I’m mad at you or sad my heart is happy because you’re here and you exist and I love you!” He rubs his face in Rei’s scarf and inhales the scent of it. “I love you! And this time you gotta understand!”

A hand, very soft and gentle, lands on the back of his head, gently stroking his hair. “I understand,” Rei says, and his breath shakes a little when he breathes in. “I understand. And I love you back. Very much.” Another breath. “I don’t have...quite the gift of words you do when describing it, but having you here with me makes me...feel all warm, no matter how cold it actually is.” 

And there it is, out in the open. Nothing more needs to be said, and nothing more is said. Nagisa sneaks a peek at Rei’s face and hides his smile in Rei’s scarf. Rei’s hand keeps petting his hair with the utmost care. It’s a perfect moment that could go on forever, or at least Nagisa wishes it could. Maybe Rei has the same wish. They stand like that for Nagisa doesn’t know how long. It’s alright, in the snow, all bundled up with each other. 

“We should probably go home at some point,” Nagisa feels he has to say after a while. Rei hums, but doesn’t move. So Nagisa doesn’t either. Okay, they can stay for a little longer. 

Maybe it wasn’t exactly the most typical love confession, he thinks, but it turned out okay in the end, right? And it’s not like he and Rei are the most typical love, so maybe this was just perfect for them. If they just work on their communication a little bit more. You know, to prevent any more horrendous, tremendous tragedies. And maybe stop Gou from going grey in her teenage years. 

He jumps a little when his phone buzzes. A text from his mom, wondering when he’ll be home. “I gotta go,” he says, raising his face from Rei’s scarf. Rei nods. Their arms seem to just naturally slide together as they walk out of the park until they’re hand in hand. Nagisa studies their hands, and then Rei’s face, but Rei is continuing on with a slight blush and a smile. If they’re going to love each other, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

It’s not like they catch many looks anyway on their way to the station. “I’ll walk you home,” Rei says as the train pulls in. Nagisa starts to protest, since that will mean Rei having to walk to the station again to take another ride back to his stop, but Rei squeezes his hand and smiles that little shy smile of his and Nagisa decides to keep his mouth shut as they board. Let the man do what he wants. 

“So...you’ve known this for months?” he asks, as they walk down the streets to reach his house. “Like...how many months?”

Rei sends him a side-eye. “Are we competing here?” 

“Noooo…” Nagisa kicks at a particularly large pile of snow. “Just want to know for...for science.” 

Rei rolls his eyes but swings their hands between them. “I think I realized it for certain after Nationals, but I’m also pretty sure I felt that way for a long time before then without realizing it.” 

Nagisa hums and smiles to himself. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Rei agrees. “You broke my heart the first time you said you loved me. Just like I was Haruka-senpai or Makoto-senpai.”

Nagisa sends him an affronted look. “I told you, it’s different when it’s you!”

“Well, I didn’t realize that at the time. It sounded the exact same.”

Nagisa opens his mouth to argue, but again, it isn’t worth it in the face of Rei’s smile. “Gou-chan’s going to laugh at us for months,” he says instead. Rei just groans and laughs a little as he nods. 

“Years, possibly. Here’s your house.” 

“Oh.” So it is. Nagisa turns back to Rei, whose smile widens as Nagisa stares up at him. 

“Goodnight?” 

“Goodnight,” Nagisa repeats, and slowly pulls his hand from Rei’s. “I guess...I’ll call you?” 

“Okay.” Rei stands there on the sidewalk and watches Nagisa’s journey to the front door. Nagisa waves one last time before opening the door and slipping inside. 

The instant warmth thaws his cheeks and fingers and he sighs happily. A good meal, the boy he loves loves him back, and now a warm shower and bed where he can take all these wonderful feelings and carefully press them into the scrapbook of his memory. “Nagisa?” his mom calls from the kitchen. “You home?”

“Yeah!” Nagisa calls back as he hangs up his jacket and puts his scarf and mittens by the vent to dry. “I…” 

He forgot something. 

“I’ll be right back!” he shouts, and wrenches the door back open. Rei has only made it halfway down the street, and Nagisa has determination on his side. “Rei-chan! Rei-chaaaaan!” 

Rei turns around just in time to catch Nagisa when he throws himself forward, and they both stagger a few steps before Rei steadies himself. “What is it?” he asks, panicked. 

“Can I kiss you?” Nagisa asks, breathless, and reaches up to pull at Rei’s face. “You can say no if you want to but I would really like to kiss you now, if you’d like to kiss me back.” 

“I-I-I…” Rei stammers, and then shuts his eyes and swallows. “Yeah, that’s...I would like that.” 

“Okay.” Nagisa stretches up on his toes and tugs at Rei’s scarf to pull him the rest of the way down. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Me neither,” Rei says softly, hands on Nagisa’s arms. “You don’t have a coat? Aren’t you freezing?” 

“I had to catch you before you left,” Nagisa explains. “I’m gonna...I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”

Rei nods, and Nagisa shuts his eyes before pushing himself just a little further up on his toes, just enough so their chapped lips brush together, once. Nagisa releases Rei’s scarf and buries his face in his hands. Rei turns around completely, but not before Nagisa sees the fierce blush that rivals his own. 

“I think...I think that’s...that’s something we should do again,” Rei stammers. “But you’re going to freeze.”

Nagisa touches his fingers to his lips and smiles hard, the warmth inside him threatening to overflow. “Yeah, yeah...again.” He laughs, and looks up at Rei, who manages a straight face for a few seconds before he begins to laugh too. 

“I’ll call you,” Nagisa promises. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Rei nods. “Sounds good. Um...okay, I’ll go…” 

“Yeah.” Nagisa bounces up on his feet and turns back towards his house. “Bye, Rei-chan.” 

Rei is gone down the street by the time Nagisa reaches his front door. Nagisa knocks the snow from his boots and plays a game of cards with his mom and takes a warm shower. He can’t keep himself from touching his lips and laughing a little each time. Chiasa is totally onto him; he catches her smirking at him while he’s skipping the way to his bedroom. Wait ‘til he tells her. 

Nagisa tosses himself onto his bed, sending the pillows flying everywhere. He hides his face in his pillow and laughs again, feet bouncing against the mattress. Rei loves him. Rei loves him. Rei loves him. 

He should tell Gou. 

Nagisa is just scrambling for his phone when it lights up with a text. Rei. 

_ I love you. Just thought I’d say it again _ .  _ To avoid any other unfortunate misunderstandings.  _

Nagisa clutches his phone to his chest and tries to breathe steadily, but it’s hard with his heart inflating to take up his whole chest. He loves Rei and Rei loves him and they’re a bit of a communications disaster but they’ll work on it. They got time. All the time they want to make sure things turn out right.

Rei loves him and he loves Rei. Nagisa is pretty sure that is the most wonderful, splendid, amazing, beautiful thing to ever happen to the likes of man. Now, he might be exaggerating just a little...

But only a little. 


End file.
